Anecdote #39

In society from time immemorial, women are traditionally ‘supposed’ to be confined to the domestic sphere. They are ‘allowed’ to work until they bear children. This is not all, at times their prime purpose in life is considered to be child bearing! When a women is already facing such challenges to get where she is professionally and her child says “Mom don’t go to work,” you can only imagine the dilemma she is faced with.I am one of those culprits too who still says “Mom don’t go” when my mother has to go out of town or for a meeting. Fortunately my family never put the traditional restrictions of patriarchy on my mother but nonetheless she works in the ruthless corporate sector and when she started out 27 years ago it had fewer concerns for the female gender in comparison to present conditions. Currently the working environment is still unconducive for women in the private sector. The mindsets of people have not changed either. Financial independence is not a priority for Indian Aunties. They retort by saying that girls should marry rich husbands. What guarantee do they give that those rich husbands will actually be generous? Most of all rich husbands are not equivalent to good husbands. Even if a girl gets married into a prosperous family and is provided with a decent standard of living, if the husband is abusive, no amount of money will make up for the torture. To top that if she is only restricted to the domestic sphere, she would not have the option to escape the abuse and go on with her life.The picture is not vey rosy on the other side either. Though the working women is financially empowered her family and children have too many expectations out of her. How many times have we guilt tripped our working moms into being there for a performance at school, for competitions or for tests. Yes it is their duty to be there for us and prepare us for the challenges that we will face but it is unfair to expect them to be omnipresent. Imagine how exhausting it is! Imagine the negative impact it has on their health, both physical and mental. The great Indian family too has expectations from their daughter-in-law. I remember my mother coming home from office for the karva chauth pooja, reciting the traditional tale and leading the pooja. Then she would help my grandmother prepare tea for the ladies of the entire neighbourhood and quickly have a quick slurp and rush back to work. This is one instance out of an innumerable amount of incidents.Children of working moms pine for them at times which is understandable. Beyond a point it is unfair. It is unfair to expect our mothers to take care of all our needs at all times. We cannot expect them to be at their best behaviour at all times. Cut them some slack! Allow them to be a little irritable, they deal with harsh bosses and clients. Learn to give them some space. I know it’s hard especially when the time you spend with them is not the same in comparison to stay at home moms but think of the things you are vicariously learning from them. You are learning to be hard working, independent and open minded. In no way am I trying to put down housewives. Their work is plenty. Managing a home is unfortunately an unpaid job. The point I am trying to put forth is that in modern India a working mother still has no absolute respite from domestic duties. They are forced to manage both which is extremely taxing.It is therefore crucial for us to recognise the sacrifices being made by our iron willed mothers and thanking them for doing so much. The most basic thing we can do is, stop saying that mom don’t go to work. Stop making her feel guilty for sustaining her self and for supporting the family. Send her off with a smile and assure her that you will be fine. Give her confidence because at the end of the day you are her biggest source of strength and determination.