Anecdote #36

When I look back at this year and the year before this a lot of things strike me. I think of the different situations I was in or rather the different situations I had put myself through. I think of the people who were such an integral part of my life but  I hardly talk to them anymore. For most of my life things were pretty standard. I went through ups and downs but honestly they were events which were predictable and things that I expected would occur sooner or later. The last two years have been completely unpredictable and the unexpected happened. I drifted away from the people I was the closest to. My life took a very different path, which is in no way bad but just very different. I have learnt to adjust to situations, people and grow up a little. I do look back very often which I wish I didn’t but I surprisingly don’t miss the company I used to keep. This part of my life is more about figuring out what I want out of life and fixing my priorities. This part is about getting rid of the stagnation. Hopefully I don’t depend on people for decisions or start looking for comfort and consolation from outside because a lot of times the answers have come from within.
I apologise for the disjointed stream of thoughts, but I guess that’s what the year end does to you. You begin reflecting on the decisions you made. the people you let in your life and the people you let go of. Sometimes the most unexpected people take up a place in your heart. You may know them for years but it maybe much later that they actually become a source of strength and inspiration. At times their words are the ones you just need to hear. Such people are a rarity to find. I am very grateful for this presence in my life. I am grateful for being able to learn what life is about. I am grateful for the healing and love I have received. In today’s time being respectful is a quality that is greatly disrespected. I am happy for the respect I have received and learnt to exhibit. Someone very wise once told me that in gratitude resides God and that’s when I learnt to count my blessings and look at the larger picture.
It is funny how things turn out over time! I never foresaw this version of myself but I am actually glad that I was challenged and my core self was tested. There is much more to learn and much more to do but for now I pray for balance, focus and of course love.

Anecdote #35

 When does one finally grow up? Though legally I am an adult, I don't feel like one. That doesn't mean that I take rash decisions or am not aware of my responsibilities. The fact is that I am still pretty emotionally dependent on my parents. As soon as I face a problem my instinctive reaction is to complain about it to my parents. Being an only child, my parents were my companions and fortunately they still are. I am at my uninhibited best with them and perhaps look for people with similar traits as their's. But life is not all roses and as much as I love my parents, they are my biggest weakness. I cannot seem to see them go through times of trouble and at times there is a feeling of helplessness as I do not have the power to amend their circumstances.
I'm sure a lot of others feel this way about their loved ones as well. It's during these times that we begin to get frustrated and due to excessive stress and bottled up emotions may begin to damage our relationships with others. Then the impending question should be what must be done? I like to pray, not because I plead for God to chase away my problems but because prayer gives me solace and is my happy place. If you don't pray then my advice for you would be that don't try to solve their problems. If you can't watch them suffer then join hands with them in their safar. What I mean to say is that take this journey with them. Listen to their problems, even though it may hurt you, remember that their hearts may have gotten lighter in this process. But at the same time that doesn't mean that you should be the their emotional dustbins. There are different kinds of people in this world and we must know where to draw the line. You just need to be a cushion of support because at the end of the day a little does a lot. When the time comes you'll be mature enough to handle bigger problems. Don't try to be a messiah but just do your part diligently and lovingly. At the end of all this you will get stronger and a few years down the line you'll be able to look at everything with a much more practical  point of view.

Anecdote #34

Yesterday as I watched a movie the age old aphorism of how the past always catches up came across my way. It seemed completely appropriate given my current state of mind. When life throws curveballs at us we encounter a tendency of going back to the past for comparison. I am very different from who I was, yet I am the same. I have the same mind, some deeply entrenched memories and a few poor decisions that loom over my head. Running away from all this hasn't worked out as it has constrained the understanding of my actions. I wouldn't learn anything until I come to terms with it. Giving up is the easiest yet the least satisfying option for me. Fighting it out is much harder but it increases your endurance. Amidst all of this we wish for some kind of support  but the circumstances maybe such that we are destined to go through the journey alone. I do not know what the end of all this is, maybe it's just a vicious circle that's hard to break, it's quite possible that this is Karma or it could be a phase that is about to run it's course. 

Stop fighting your emotions. You cannot plan the way you feel, stop making it harder or more complicated for yourself. Introspect and if social interactions seem too strenuous be a man or woman of fewer words. 

If all this fails try to go back and remember all the promises you made to yourself. It just maybe the right time to fulfil them.

Anecdote #33

People go through their own battles in their daily which can never be fully comprehended by any other human. Mostly our egos cloud our judgements. When our friends don't reply to our messages we think they're ignoring us, when people seem distant we think that they don't value us and when they respond with irritation we label them as moody. Yes, all this hurts and leaves us perplexed but that doesn't give us the liberty to label that person as a particular type.

There are many individuals who don't let people in their inner space which is probably because their lives are embroiled with complications and they do not wish to entangle others in this mess. This is completely justified because people with materialistic desires don't have the ability to see through the realities of other's lives. Most people are like that today. I don't blame individuals for being selfish but that doesn't give them the right to pry into other person's lives. Friendships these days follow dictated terms, there is no freedom for self exploration or discovery as you're burdened with expectations of group behaviour.

At times the only person who will be able to understand your predicament is yourself. The harsh truth is that at time you may have to take on the responsibility of the caregiver and hide your worries. It is true that human's don't share their hassles because a lot of times they are not their's to share. We cannot force them to come out but can respect their sense of space. Don't compare people to yourself because the simple fact is that you lead different lives. Don't attribute your reason's of getting upset to them, they have their own battles and you have your's. The best thing to do at times is to live and to let live. Don't try to be a messiah, you're not God. Be humane like a human.

Anecdote #32

 People change and grow over time and go through a journey of attachment and detachment. Often the pressures of life get to them and they begin questioning themselves at each step of the way. Somewhere in the midst of this hustle and bustle they lose their emotional bearings. The subconscious hides these insecurities and individuals are just too occupied on gadgets, with the stresses of their lives and dealing with rapid changes when this overcomes them.

Many a times I have not felt like myself but I didn't have the luxury of taking a break and exploring my inner self. Most of us don't have that liberty. There is a constant pressure of doing and being better and these expectations are not accompanied with empathy. So during this process you may just lose yourself no matter how much you try to stop this with conscious efforts. This time around I'm not going to ask you to stop, breathe, step back and move at your own pace because if you want to make it big in life, you need to keep working hard. I do not mean to say that all of us should become workaholics and bite off more than we can chew but this self pitying attitude will push you towards a downward spiral.

If your past is questionable, stop looking back and start making your future secure. People will always talk, I'm sure that a lot of people who I used to know don't think highly of me or perhaps do not like the content of my posts but this is the path I have chosen so I might as well tread on this journey according to my rules. Make your rules, set your own boundaries and be confident about them.  

We get attached to people so easily and love using the tag of best friends and being social butterflies. However it is very important to remember that the people who mean the world to you can cause your biggest downfall. Be a balanced soul because even though you're life may seem boring, you'll be able to sift the good from the bad very easily and make decisions that will get you somewhere as a human being.

Anecdote #31

Man is a social animal. This is a phrase that has often raised a lot of questions in my head. Earlier I thought it meant to say that it was imperative to be a part of a social circle to survive in society. Middle school for me was a journey that hit quite a few low points and at that time I needed a sorted and mature head at my side. Sadly I was expecting too much and none of my friends met my standards. It is very hard to empathise with a person because pity is all that the human mind can actually fathom. In the midst of all this I decided to be my own friend. My greatest fear like a lot of other people was to be alone. But at the same time my friends seemed nothing more than acquaintances. Finally the twelve year old me decided to undertake a social experiment which was talking to everyone and being cordial but finding the answers to my own problems without the help of a best friend. I can say that though it was hard not sharing my emotions, feelings and being in my own space but during that period it was the apt choice for me. I grew stronger emotionally and actually formed closer bonds with my family. I learnt that nothing can beat the advice of parents and they are your emotional anchors. I learnt that human beings like people who have less problems to share and mostly in today's time want friends to have fun with and then post it on social media. It is truly hard to find a deep emotional connection. In no way am I trying to state that we should stop talking to people, I didn't do that. I simply give them the time that was equivalent to their worth in my life. 

Looking back and introspecting, I feel that this is now is one of my greatest strengths. I am not afraid of going alone for a coffee and I feel a sense of tranquility and freedom when I am by myself. It is all a matter of how you train your mind. Stop paying heed to your insecurities and be your own judge. The fact is that apart from you, no one can fathom the intensity of your emotions. Make a personal note of this and remember that the realities of your life are only known by you, so train your mind to study them objectively. Believe me that when you are able to deal with your emotional tussles successfully, it is the most empowering feeling in this world.

Anecdote #30

Change is a word that evokes an ocean of feelings in me. According to me it leads to a feeling of uncertainty, challenges your confidence and your resilience. The most exacting kind of change is when your emotions, feelings and perspectives suddenly begin to differ without your knowledge. This can happen due to unprecedented circumstances, stressful situations or traumatic events. The human body releases a set off intolerable responses which often leave you with questions and apprehensions. At such moments we are taken aback and not able to comprehend the cause of such changes. We often try to escape the problem by ignoring it and assuming that it was only a one time thing. Stress leads to these changes in our mind, body and health. It creeps in our system without us knowing of it! Taking it lightly and choosing to look away is not the answer. If we do not incorporate changes in our lifestyle stress can overtake our mind, body and being. Changes like moving from school to college can cause stress so can moving to a different city and if in the midst of all these changes we pressurise ourselves to be perfectionists, we'll end up losing the plot! Do things according to your pace, change your perspective of looking at events and situations on the basis of your convenience and ability to take on tasks. Your way of dealing with change cannot be synonymous with mine because our destinies cannot converge. Do not apply the same formula to everything. Give yourself the opportunity to change for the better and to grow and mature emotionally. Identify the circumstances that put you down and recognise the intensity of pressure you can handle. Be your own kind of change! In other words I mean to say carve your own path for evolution, for all you know it may be a success story that others begin to chase.

Anecdote #29

The gap between the end of school and the beginning of college adds a lot to one's perspective. You begin to realise the importance of family and a reliable support system. In my case apart from my parents, the people who have loved me unconditionally and have showered me with encouragement and support are my grandparents. As I have working parents my grandparents virtually brought me up during the early years of my childhood. They lived through all my firsts and thankfully are around to share my happiness. The love your grandparents give you goes above and beyond because they leave the responsibility of disciplining to your parents. Apart from that their anecdotes, experiences and childhood tales teach you how far your family has come and how it is your responsibility to carry the legacy forward. In the older times perseverance was a very revered value which seems to be disappearing. Our ancestors did not give up in the most arduous conditions. Mine lived through the partition and had to start their lives afresh. My grandfather had to work to pay for his education and was left alone to survive. My grandmother was deprived of many opportunities because she was a woman and was expected to take up a domestic lifestyle. At times I notice the regret in their eyes. When I share my little achievements with them they become extremely hopeful and grateful. Perhaps they are elated that the road which they couldn't take is appearing before me. They certainly don't push me to live their dream but they make my dreams their own. Alas, not all our dreams are meant to come true which is perhaps for the best yet experience has already taught them that. At such junctures they can explain the possible causes for rejection and failure because they have seen life from close and from far. My advise therefore is very simple, learn from them as much as you can, love and respect them. Take out time for them so that they feel that their lives have been fulfilled.

Anecdote #28

Now that I am out of school I get to hear a lot about people’s dreams, desires and ambitions. After talking to many individuals I realised there was one common factor in almost all of them which was fixation. They were fixated on colleges, professions, plans etc. I have used the word fixation after a lot of thought because I observed that there was a lack of open mindedness. There is a looming possibility that we may not get what we want which is often forgotten. When this happens it takes no time for disappointment to turn into depression. What’s the harm in keeping some options open, focus is important but the world is not perfect. It’s tough to be the absolute best, there is always someone who is better, can work harder and may know how to work smarter. There exists a very thin line between focus and fixation. Our obsession with certain things take the best of us and soon we start to lose the capability to deal with failure. Life has a bigger plan but our egos cloud our ability to see that. Aim for the best but if it doesn’t happen leave to God the rest. Stop looking down on other options just because they come in second our third. At the end of the day what matters is how you make most of an opportunity. It’s best to start learning to deal with challenges now other wise we’ll be making life tougher for ourselves. Don’t let your own self become the biggest hurdle in your life. Open your mind to exploration, maybe you’ll find a path you had never expected to set foot on in the first place.

Anecdote #27

The mind of ours is engineered to play games with us and these can be extremely vicious and consuming. Jealousy, hatred and fear are feelings fostered and festered by the mind. I believe that there is a distinction between the mind and the self. I agree to the fact that the mind is instrumental in influencing the self but the two cannot be mistaken for one. To rise above pettiness, irritability and all such  whirling negative emotions one must learn to listen to the inner voice. If we go on ignoring this voice then in my opinion it will tend to fade over time. Your definition of right and wrong may be completely different to mine but I think we can’t walk away from the fact that there are some universally accepted truths. The mind is an omnipresent energy which perpetually tries to deviate you from progress. It releases an array of negative feelings which pricks you like needles. Some days tend to feel worse than the others and these are the days which hurts the self. When we indulge in words or activities that seem wrong, it feels like  a heavy blow on the self. We tend to become unforgiving and bitter with ourselves. The most common advise to tackle anger and it’s brother emotions is to take deep breaths. Honestly for me this fuels my anger even further! Then what should one do? I feel there is no fixed formula, yes there are suggestions ( often listed across many magazines, newspapers) but they don’t necessarily work for everyone. It’s crucial to find a unique way for mental detoxification.A very effective method which is also practical is that an individual must try and engage himself or herself in an activity involving movement such as cooking, going for a walk or doing certain chores because it derails anxiety provoking thoughts. As soon as we indulge in a new activity our focus changes which provides a relief from the chain of destructive thoughts. I cannot emphasise enough on the fact that an idle mind is a devil’s workshop. Get out, do something and  evaluate yourself or else you will eventually get trapped into the vicious cycle of mind games and pessimism.

Anecdote #26

My family's association with the hill station, Kasauli has been on for generations. My grand mother lived there in the late 50s when her father was posted in Kasauli. All of us have been enamoured by the charm the place holds. Perhaps it's the simplicity of the town or because we love living in the Kasauli Club. My parents had to wait for almost 10 years to get the membership of this club but honestly I feel that it was worth it. Although the amenities are quite basic, the property is sprawling and beautiful. You do not need to walk up to the sunset point because the clubhouse houses the most amazing view, the food is delicious and very cheap and last but not the least is that a few generous tips will get you some great service! This time around I took my mother because I had become quite familiar with the place and was confident that I could show her around well. As soon as we reached the club our minds and lungs were both detoxified. Post a hearty lunch we rested and braced ourselves for something big we had planned to do the following day. Legend has it that when Lord Hanuman was carrying the "sanjeevani booti" his left foot touched a hill in Kasauli. This spot was converted into a temple. I am a believer and I had visited the temple on an earlier visit but I was eager to take my mother this time. The climb is very steep and is over a kilometre up hill. This was tough especially under the scorching sun (Yes, hill stations can get scarily warm in the day). So the next day, in the morning we began our task, which was both exhausting and exhilarating. Exhausting because it was a tough and testing climb and exhilarating because when we reached the peak all of it seemed worth it. The air had gotten cooler and the vibes were peaceful and pure. We spent a good hour there. The whole experience was therapeutic because for a few moments we were cut off from the hustle bustle of the world below. There were no phones, no honking and no stray thoughts. Even though we had been through a rough up hill climb we felt energised. Sadly we couldn't be there all day so we went ahead with the descent. This was followed by a good resting session because Saturday evenings get lively at the club and we wanted to be ready for it. Saturdays are the Tambola nights which gets me very excited. I was extremely disappointed throughout the beginning because neither of us were winning anything but at the end of the last game I won the housie! Later I realised the money they had charged for the tickets was much more than the prize money, what tricksters! Nonetheless it was great fun, full of laughter and simple pleasures. We followed this up with a late night chai which was the cherry to the topping. After a good night's sleep we spend the next day rejoicing in the great weather. It was raining and I wished that I had carried a sweater. The day was spent in the library, partly snoozing and looking out the window. I guess we were pensive and also dreading the fact that we had to leave the next day. Compared to a lot of the other holidays I have been on, this was one of the simpler ones. It's true that there is sheer bliss in simplicity as there are lesser hesitations. You don't worry about the airline fare, cost of accommodation and the cost of food and beverages. During such holidays you let loose and truly shift into a better head space. No wonder that we have so many foreign tourists! My advise would be to try something more basic because it just another kind of fun and a novel experience you can count on.

Anecdote #25

People often talk about love, through good morning messages on whatsapp, due to the portrayal of love in movies/ shows or because they actually hold the emotion for someone. We all love somebody or even certain objects but I wonder why it has become such a fleeting emotion. When I watch these American sitcoms I observe how easily the characters fall in love, complicate their relationship and finally may or may not even end up together. Social media is yet another factor. Love is not pure any more it has to be validated, shown to the world and it seems like a mockery to me!
I do not feel that love in the purest form is experienced in today's age. There is no respect, teasing and making jokes out of a person's partner/companion is now seen as flirting. Elaborate gestures and gifts seem to be symbols of love. You see the foundation of love is only attraction now. The self centred attitude has pushed away the possibilities of a secure marriage or future. Selflessness is only an ideal virtue one can look upto because no one is willing to practice it. I know I have been sounding pessimistic but what I am trying to put out there is that don't just settle for someone. The chemistry or passion is only a form of gratification of our desires, not fulfilment. Wait it out, be patient, don't make a decision that gives you momentary pleasure because being involved with anybody gives you emotional baggage. Don't hurt yourself because at the end of the day it is you who has to heal. Even if you take all  of this into consideration and make a mistake then accept it as a harsh truth. There are no formulas in life, what I have learnt is to go with the flow, there is always something better on it's way.  We are so muddled with our thoughts that it is only much later that we realise why something happened to us. Try to find love in a hobby, a book or in prayer. Be independent, don't let your desires take control, get out of this cycle to truly discover and embrace yourself.

Anecdote #24

I was always one of those who was skeptical of people who went to Starbucks. I thought that more than anything, they visited the coffeehouse to be a part of the lavish display of wealth. Last year my opinion changed drastically.
My mother was back to working full time after a sabbatical of around 4 years and it was my 12th. I was still figuring out as to what I wanted to do in the near future and often would feel lonely at home as both my parents are working. I was falling prey to the games my mind was playing on me and knew that I had to look for a solution. I realised that I needed a change of scene. During the dark and dingy month of December being alone at home can get depressing. The closest place I could go to and study was Starbucks. Very often I had seen people sit there and work so I decided to give it a try. I am going to be blatantly honest when I say that the food and coffee there is not upto my liking but the vibe of the place drew me in. I would order a small green tea and sip on it for hours sometimes and go on with my work. When I would get bored, I would look up and observe all that was happening around me. It served as a rendezvous for lovers, as a spot to chill with friends and many a times a place where people held official meetings. Sometimes I would see familiar faces but they were no more than distant acquaintances. They would recognise me and I would wonder what they thought of me. Maybe they held the same opinions I had earlier, " she's just here to boast about her visit to this place," but frankly I wasn't disturbed by this. I knew that I had the trust of my mother, at times she would encourage me to go because she knew I was trying to find a solution to my problem and not gallivanting. Slowly, I got better and became a regular. The place began to feel familiar like the pair of jeans you always resort to on a lazy day. Maybe I hadn't fully recovered but the process is slow. It was the first step on the stairway to growth. This routine also made me more independent, confident and most importantly enabled me to emerge out of my shell. So Thank you Starbucks for not kicking me out and saving my life!

Anecdote #23

It is the seasons of entrance exams and like many others I happened to appear for one of them, the law entrance, CLAT. Prior to that I had appeared for the AILET. Though I have no intentions of doing law I went ahead with these exams as I had registered for them months ago. When I reached the remote location in Pitampura to give the AILET, I was pretty intimidated by the sheer number of aspirants and some of them seemed to be much older. The panic began to set in, after a lot of inconvenience my father and I had found a parking spot but post that we were struggling to find my room number on the notice board. It was finally time to enter the premises, as soon as I entered the classroom all eyes were transfixed on me as though all of the aspirants were expecting me to make a mistake. Later I could see why, there was a lot of chaos; people were entering the wrong room; sitting on the wrong seat and creating confusion. I patiently waited for the paper and as soon as I got it the difficulty level shocked me beyond belief. I had given a lot of mock tests and knew that the standards of NLU Delhi were very high but this was something else. The only response I could manage was a laugh as I knew this was inconsequential for me and I did the best I could. This experience taught me that curveballs are best handled with a cool head. I tried to act like Kohli, hitting a sixer in questions I was sure of and avoiding bouncers which I knew I couldn't attempt. All in all I was happy and ready to take on CLAT.
So during the week before CLAT I studied a bit of GK to apprise myself of certain important events which I found interesting. After reading up, an interesting fact I stumbled upon was that my father's former boss was now the President of INS! This went on and finally Sunday arrived.
I was eager to go not because I was thoroughly prepared but because I was ready for a new experience. CLAT is a computerised test so there are a limited number of students per centre due to the paucity of desktops. Most of the people there were known faces as our coaching institute had advised all of us to undertake synchronised registration. This made me feel very much at ease. The checking there was extremely strict and I was frisked from head to toe violently (of course by a woman) which left me scandalized. Post the biometric registration and demo exam we finally began! Mind you, I went in at 1:30 PM and came out at 5:30 PM. The exam was to my utter delight simple and straightforward. Though time was a constraint I was satisfied with it.
I can conclude by saying that I know that I will not be one of the toppers but I surely know I will be one of those who can say "pass to ho hi jayenge."

Anecdote #22

As my class 12 board exams finally got over today (post the economics paper leak fiasco), my mother decided to take me out for a movie. It was Varun Dhawan's 'October.' I hadn't read it's reviews and nor am I very passionate about movies so I didn't have any expectations.
The movie was about how Dan abandons his life completely to support Shiuli and her family as she went through a tragic accident that left her in a coma. The fact was that they weren't even friends but merely coworkers yet he just left everything to be there for her. This was the setting of the entire movie. I was not being able to process all that he was doing because it was everything against what the world teaches you. I have been conditioned to not even let a friend distract me from my goals which was for the time being to be a high scoring student.
So the enormity of his sacrifice perplexed me. I asked my mother that why was he so obsessed with her, why is he letting go of his job for a hopeless case? Her answer was simple- we are emotionally connected to certain people maybe without much interaction and they are subconsciously a large part of us. This really connected with me as are there are a few people in my life who are such an integral part of my life  yet I may not interact with them on a daily basis. Such people may not be your friends but a face you see everyday, a teacher or a person to look up to.
This film was also an eye opener that taught me that destiny runs its course and we must accept whatever happens in our life and be grateful for it.
My birthday is around the corner and initially I was planning to have an elaborate party but later I decided not to as I wanted to have an intimate affair. After watching this movie I realised that I made the right decision. All these trivialities of life get tiring after a point and slowing down and making your life simpler automatically makes everything so much easier. I'm glad I did not waste so much money when there are people who are trying to make ends meet, dying to pay hospital bills or fending for their family all alone. Why not help them instead? In place of the guilt we feel after splurging on items we'll atleast feel that the money was put to good use. Things come go but people have the power of memory so why not make a place in their hearts to make a difference