Anecdote #31

Man is a social animal. This is a phrase that has often raised a lot of questions in my head. Earlier I thought it meant to say that it was imperative to be a part of a social circle to survive in society. Middle school for me was a journey that hit quite a few low points and at that time I needed a sorted and mature head at my side. Sadly I was expecting too much and none of my friends met my standards. It is very hard to empathise with a person because pity is all that the human mind can actually fathom. In the midst of all this I decided to be my own friend. My greatest fear like a lot of other people was to be alone. But at the same time my friends seemed nothing more than acquaintances. Finally the twelve year old me decided to undertake a social experiment which was talking to everyone and being cordial but finding the answers to my own problems without the help of a best friend. I can say that though it was hard not sharing my emotions, feelings and being in my own space but during that period it was the apt choice for me. I grew stronger emotionally and actually formed closer bonds with my family. I learnt that nothing can beat the advice of parents and they are your emotional anchors. I learnt that human beings like people who have less problems to share and mostly in today's time want friends to have fun with and then post it on social media. It is truly hard to find a deep emotional connection. In no way am I trying to state that we should stop talking to people, I didn't do that. I simply give them the time that was equivalent to their worth in my life. 

Looking back and introspecting, I feel that this is now is one of my greatest strengths. I am not afraid of going alone for a coffee and I feel a sense of tranquility and freedom when I am by myself. It is all a matter of how you train your mind. Stop paying heed to your insecurities and be your own judge. The fact is that apart from you, no one can fathom the intensity of your emotions. Make a personal note of this and remember that the realities of your life are only known by you, so train your mind to study them objectively. Believe me that when you are able to deal with your emotional tussles successfully, it is the most empowering feeling in this world.

Anecdote #30

Change is a word that evokes an ocean of feelings in me. According to me it leads to a feeling of uncertainty, challenges your confidence and your resilience. The most exacting kind of change is when your emotions, feelings and perspectives suddenly begin to differ without your knowledge. This can happen due to unprecedented circumstances, stressful situations or traumatic events. The human body releases a set off intolerable responses which often leave you with questions and apprehensions. At such moments we are taken aback and not able to comprehend the cause of such changes. We often try to escape the problem by ignoring it and assuming that it was only a one time thing. Stress leads to these changes in our mind, body and health. It creeps in our system without us knowing of it! Taking it lightly and choosing to look away is not the answer. If we do not incorporate changes in our lifestyle stress can overtake our mind, body and being. Changes like moving from school to college can cause stress so can moving to a different city and if in the midst of all these changes we pressurise ourselves to be perfectionists, we'll end up losing the plot! Do things according to your pace, change your perspective of looking at events and situations on the basis of your convenience and ability to take on tasks. Your way of dealing with change cannot be synonymous with mine because our destinies cannot converge. Do not apply the same formula to everything. Give yourself the opportunity to change for the better and to grow and mature emotionally. Identify the circumstances that put you down and recognise the intensity of pressure you can handle. Be your own kind of change! In other words I mean to say carve your own path for evolution, for all you know it may be a success story that others begin to chase.

Anecdote #29

The gap between the end of school and the beginning of college adds a lot to one's perspective. You begin to realise the importance of family and a reliable support system. In my case apart from my parents, the people who have loved me unconditionally and have showered me with encouragement and support are my grandparents. As I have working parents my grandparents virtually brought me up during the early years of my childhood. They lived through all my firsts and thankfully are around to share my happiness. The love your grandparents give you goes above and beyond because they leave the responsibility of disciplining to your parents. Apart from that their anecdotes, experiences and childhood tales teach you how far your family has come and how it is your responsibility to carry the legacy forward. In the older times perseverance was a very revered value which seems to be disappearing. Our ancestors did not give up in the most arduous conditions. Mine lived through the partition and had to start their lives afresh. My grandfather had to work to pay for his education and was left alone to survive. My grandmother was deprived of many opportunities because she was a woman and was expected to take up a domestic lifestyle. At times I notice the regret in their eyes. When I share my little achievements with them they become extremely hopeful and grateful. Perhaps they are elated that the road which they couldn't take is appearing before me. They certainly don't push me to live their dream but they make my dreams their own. Alas, not all our dreams are meant to come true which is perhaps for the best yet experience has already taught them that. At such junctures they can explain the possible causes for rejection and failure because they have seen life from close and from far. My advise therefore is very simple, learn from them as much as you can, love and respect them. Take out time for them so that they feel that their lives have been fulfilled.

Anecdote #28

Now that I am out of school I get to hear a lot about people’s dreams, desires and ambitions. After talking to many individuals I realised there was one common factor in almost all of them which was fixation. They were fixated on colleges, professions, plans etc. I have used the word fixation after a lot of thought because I observed that there was a lack of open mindedness. There is a looming possibility that we may not get what we want which is often forgotten. When this happens it takes no time for disappointment to turn into depression. What’s the harm in keeping some options open, focus is important but the world is not perfect. It’s tough to be the absolute best, there is always someone who is better, can work harder and may know how to work smarter. There exists a very thin line between focus and fixation. Our obsession with certain things take the best of us and soon we start to lose the capability to deal with failure. Life has a bigger plan but our egos cloud our ability to see that. Aim for the best but if it doesn’t happen leave to God the rest. Stop looking down on other options just because they come in second our third. At the end of the day what matters is how you make most of an opportunity. It’s best to start learning to deal with challenges now other wise we’ll be making life tougher for ourselves. Don’t let your own self become the biggest hurdle in your life. Open your mind to exploration, maybe you’ll find a path you had never expected to set foot on in the first place.

Anecdote #27

The mind of ours is engineered to play games with us and these can be extremely vicious and consuming. Jealousy, hatred and fear are feelings fostered and festered by the mind. I believe that there is a distinction between the mind and the self. I agree to the fact that the mind is instrumental in influencing the self but the two cannot be mistaken for one. To rise above pettiness, irritability and all such  whirling negative emotions one must learn to listen to the inner voice. If we go on ignoring this voice then in my opinion it will tend to fade over time. Your definition of right and wrong may be completely different to mine but I think we can’t walk away from the fact that there are some universally accepted truths. The mind is an omnipresent energy which perpetually tries to deviate you from progress. It releases an array of negative feelings which pricks you like needles. Some days tend to feel worse than the others and these are the days which hurts the self. When we indulge in words or activities that seem wrong, it feels like  a heavy blow on the self. We tend to become unforgiving and bitter with ourselves. The most common advise to tackle anger and it’s brother emotions is to take deep breaths. Honestly for me this fuels my anger even further! Then what should one do? I feel there is no fixed formula, yes there are suggestions ( often listed across many magazines, newspapers) but they don’t necessarily work for everyone. It’s crucial to find a unique way for mental detoxification.A very effective method which is also practical is that an individual must try and engage himself or herself in an activity involving movement such as cooking, going for a walk or doing certain chores because it derails anxiety provoking thoughts. As soon as we indulge in a new activity our focus changes which provides a relief from the chain of destructive thoughts. I cannot emphasise enough on the fact that an idle mind is a devil’s workshop. Get out, do something and  evaluate yourself or else you will eventually get trapped into the vicious cycle of mind games and pessimism.

Anecdote #26

My family's association with the hill station, Kasauli has been on for generations. My grand mother lived there in the late 50s when her father was posted in Kasauli. All of us have been enamoured by the charm the place holds. Perhaps it's the simplicity of the town or because we love living in the Kasauli Club. My parents had to wait for almost 10 years to get the membership of this club but honestly I feel that it was worth it. Although the amenities are quite basic, the property is sprawling and beautiful. You do not need to walk up to the sunset point because the clubhouse houses the most amazing view, the food is delicious and very cheap and last but not the least is that a few generous tips will get you some great service! This time around I took my mother because I had become quite familiar with the place and was confident that I could show her around well. As soon as we reached the club our minds and lungs were both detoxified. Post a hearty lunch we rested and braced ourselves for something big we had planned to do the following day. Legend has it that when Lord Hanuman was carrying the "sanjeevani booti" his left foot touched a hill in Kasauli. This spot was converted into a temple. I am a believer and I had visited the temple on an earlier visit but I was eager to take my mother this time. The climb is very steep and is over a kilometre up hill. This was tough especially under the scorching sun (Yes, hill stations can get scarily warm in the day). So the next day, in the morning we began our task, which was both exhausting and exhilarating. Exhausting because it was a tough and testing climb and exhilarating because when we reached the peak all of it seemed worth it. The air had gotten cooler and the vibes were peaceful and pure. We spent a good hour there. The whole experience was therapeutic because for a few moments we were cut off from the hustle bustle of the world below. There were no phones, no honking and no stray thoughts. Even though we had been through a rough up hill climb we felt energised. Sadly we couldn't be there all day so we went ahead with the descent. This was followed by a good resting session because Saturday evenings get lively at the club and we wanted to be ready for it. Saturdays are the Tambola nights which gets me very excited. I was extremely disappointed throughout the beginning because neither of us were winning anything but at the end of the last game I won the housie! Later I realised the money they had charged for the tickets was much more than the prize money, what tricksters! Nonetheless it was great fun, full of laughter and simple pleasures. We followed this up with a late night chai which was the cherry to the topping. After a good night's sleep we spend the next day rejoicing in the great weather. It was raining and I wished that I had carried a sweater. The day was spent in the library, partly snoozing and looking out the window. I guess we were pensive and also dreading the fact that we had to leave the next day. Compared to a lot of the other holidays I have been on, this was one of the simpler ones. It's true that there is sheer bliss in simplicity as there are lesser hesitations. You don't worry about the airline fare, cost of accommodation and the cost of food and beverages. During such holidays you let loose and truly shift into a better head space. No wonder that we have so many foreign tourists! My advise would be to try something more basic because it just another kind of fun and a novel experience you can count on.

Anecdote #25

People often talk about love, through good morning messages on whatsapp, due to the portrayal of love in movies/ shows or because they actually hold the emotion for someone. We all love somebody or even certain objects but I wonder why it has become such a fleeting emotion. When I watch these American sitcoms I observe how easily the characters fall in love, complicate their relationship and finally may or may not even end up together. Social media is yet another factor. Love is not pure any more it has to be validated, shown to the world and it seems like a mockery to me!
I do not feel that love in the purest form is experienced in today's age. There is no respect, teasing and making jokes out of a person's partner/companion is now seen as flirting. Elaborate gestures and gifts seem to be symbols of love. You see the foundation of love is only attraction now. The self centred attitude has pushed away the possibilities of a secure marriage or future. Selflessness is only an ideal virtue one can look upto because no one is willing to practice it. I know I have been sounding pessimistic but what I am trying to put out there is that don't just settle for someone. The chemistry or passion is only a form of gratification of our desires, not fulfilment. Wait it out, be patient, don't make a decision that gives you momentary pleasure because being involved with anybody gives you emotional baggage. Don't hurt yourself because at the end of the day it is you who has to heal. Even if you take all  of this into consideration and make a mistake then accept it as a harsh truth. There are no formulas in life, what I have learnt is to go with the flow, there is always something better on it's way.  We are so muddled with our thoughts that it is only much later that we realise why something happened to us. Try to find love in a hobby, a book or in prayer. Be independent, don't let your desires take control, get out of this cycle to truly discover and embrace yourself.