Anecdote #36

When I look back at this year and the year before this a lot of things strike me. I think of the different situations I was in or rather the different situations I had put myself through. I think of the people who were such an integral part of my life but  I hardly talk to them anymore. For most of my life things were pretty standard. I went through ups and downs but honestly they were events which were predictable and things that I expected would occur sooner or later. The last two years have been completely unpredictable and the unexpected happened. I drifted away from the people I was the closest to. My life took a very different path, which is in no way bad but just very different. I have learnt to adjust to situations, people and grow up a little. I do look back very often which I wish I didn’t but I surprisingly don’t miss the company I used to keep. This part of my life is more about figuring out what I want out of life and fixing my priorities. This part is about getting rid of the stagnation. Hopefully I don’t depend on people for decisions or start looking for comfort and consolation from outside because a lot of times the answers have come from within.
I apologise for the disjointed stream of thoughts, but I guess that’s what the year end does to you. You begin reflecting on the decisions you made. the people you let in your life and the people you let go of. Sometimes the most unexpected people take up a place in your heart. You may know them for years but it maybe much later that they actually become a source of strength and inspiration. At times their words are the ones you just need to hear. Such people are a rarity to find. I am very grateful for this presence in my life. I am grateful for being able to learn what life is about. I am grateful for the healing and love I have received. In today’s time being respectful is a quality that is greatly disrespected. I am happy for the respect I have received and learnt to exhibit. Someone very wise once told me that in gratitude resides God and that’s when I learnt to count my blessings and look at the larger picture.
It is funny how things turn out over time! I never foresaw this version of myself but I am actually glad that I was challenged and my core self was tested. There is much more to learn and much more to do but for now I pray for balance, focus and of course love.

Anecdote #35

 When does one finally grow up? Though legally I am an adult, I don't feel like one. That doesn't mean that I take rash decisions or am not aware of my responsibilities. The fact is that I am still pretty emotionally dependent on my parents. As soon as I face a problem my instinctive reaction is to complain about it to my parents. Being an only child, my parents were my companions and fortunately they still are. I am at my uninhibited best with them and perhaps look for people with similar traits as their's. But life is not all roses and as much as I love my parents, they are my biggest weakness. I cannot seem to see them go through times of trouble and at times there is a feeling of helplessness as I do not have the power to amend their circumstances.
I'm sure a lot of others feel this way about their loved ones as well. It's during these times that we begin to get frustrated and due to excessive stress and bottled up emotions may begin to damage our relationships with others. Then the impending question should be what must be done? I like to pray, not because I plead for God to chase away my problems but because prayer gives me solace and is my happy place. If you don't pray then my advice for you would be that don't try to solve their problems. If you can't watch them suffer then join hands with them in their safar. What I mean to say is that take this journey with them. Listen to their problems, even though it may hurt you, remember that their hearts may have gotten lighter in this process. But at the same time that doesn't mean that you should be the their emotional dustbins. There are different kinds of people in this world and we must know where to draw the line. You just need to be a cushion of support because at the end of the day a little does a lot. When the time comes you'll be mature enough to handle bigger problems. Don't try to be a messiah but just do your part diligently and lovingly. At the end of all this you will get stronger and a few years down the line you'll be able to look at everything with a much more practical  point of view.

Anecdote #34

Yesterday as I watched a movie the age old aphorism of how the past always catches up came across my way. It seemed completely appropriate given my current state of mind. When life throws curveballs at us we encounter a tendency of going back to the past for comparison. I am very different from who I was, yet I am the same. I have the same mind, some deeply entrenched memories and a few poor decisions that loom over my head. Running away from all this hasn't worked out as it has constrained the understanding of my actions. I wouldn't learn anything until I come to terms with it. Giving up is the easiest yet the least satisfying option for me. Fighting it out is much harder but it increases your endurance. Amidst all of this we wish for some kind of support  but the circumstances maybe such that we are destined to go through the journey alone. I do not know what the end of all this is, maybe it's just a vicious circle that's hard to break, it's quite possible that this is Karma or it could be a phase that is about to run it's course. 

Stop fighting your emotions. You cannot plan the way you feel, stop making it harder or more complicated for yourself. Introspect and if social interactions seem too strenuous be a man or woman of fewer words. 

If all this fails try to go back and remember all the promises you made to yourself. It just maybe the right time to fulfil them.

Anecdote #33

People go through their own battles in their daily which can never be fully comprehended by any other human. Mostly our egos cloud our judgements. When our friends don't reply to our messages we think they're ignoring us, when people seem distant we think that they don't value us and when they respond with irritation we label them as moody. Yes, all this hurts and leaves us perplexed but that doesn't give us the liberty to label that person as a particular type.

There are many individuals who don't let people in their inner space which is probably because their lives are embroiled with complications and they do not wish to entangle others in this mess. This is completely justified because people with materialistic desires don't have the ability to see through the realities of other's lives. Most people are like that today. I don't blame individuals for being selfish but that doesn't give them the right to pry into other person's lives. Friendships these days follow dictated terms, there is no freedom for self exploration or discovery as you're burdened with expectations of group behaviour.

At times the only person who will be able to understand your predicament is yourself. The harsh truth is that at time you may have to take on the responsibility of the caregiver and hide your worries. It is true that human's don't share their hassles because a lot of times they are not their's to share. We cannot force them to come out but can respect their sense of space. Don't compare people to yourself because the simple fact is that you lead different lives. Don't attribute your reason's of getting upset to them, they have their own battles and you have your's. The best thing to do at times is to live and to let live. Don't try to be a messiah, you're not God. Be humane like a human.

Anecdote #32

 People change and grow over time and go through a journey of attachment and detachment. Often the pressures of life get to them and they begin questioning themselves at each step of the way. Somewhere in the midst of this hustle and bustle they lose their emotional bearings. The subconscious hides these insecurities and individuals are just too occupied on gadgets, with the stresses of their lives and dealing with rapid changes when this overcomes them.

Many a times I have not felt like myself but I didn't have the luxury of taking a break and exploring my inner self. Most of us don't have that liberty. There is a constant pressure of doing and being better and these expectations are not accompanied with empathy. So during this process you may just lose yourself no matter how much you try to stop this with conscious efforts. This time around I'm not going to ask you to stop, breathe, step back and move at your own pace because if you want to make it big in life, you need to keep working hard. I do not mean to say that all of us should become workaholics and bite off more than we can chew but this self pitying attitude will push you towards a downward spiral.

If your past is questionable, stop looking back and start making your future secure. People will always talk, I'm sure that a lot of people who I used to know don't think highly of me or perhaps do not like the content of my posts but this is the path I have chosen so I might as well tread on this journey according to my rules. Make your rules, set your own boundaries and be confident about them.  

We get attached to people so easily and love using the tag of best friends and being social butterflies. However it is very important to remember that the people who mean the world to you can cause your biggest downfall. Be a balanced soul because even though you're life may seem boring, you'll be able to sift the good from the bad very easily and make decisions that will get you somewhere as a human being.

Anecdote #31

Man is a social animal. This is a phrase that has often raised a lot of questions in my head. Earlier I thought it meant to say that it was imperative to be a part of a social circle to survive in society. Middle school for me was a journey that hit quite a few low points and at that time I needed a sorted and mature head at my side. Sadly I was expecting too much and none of my friends met my standards. It is very hard to empathise with a person because pity is all that the human mind can actually fathom. In the midst of all this I decided to be my own friend. My greatest fear like a lot of other people was to be alone. But at the same time my friends seemed nothing more than acquaintances. Finally the twelve year old me decided to undertake a social experiment which was talking to everyone and being cordial but finding the answers to my own problems without the help of a best friend. I can say that though it was hard not sharing my emotions, feelings and being in my own space but during that period it was the apt choice for me. I grew stronger emotionally and actually formed closer bonds with my family. I learnt that nothing can beat the advice of parents and they are your emotional anchors. I learnt that human beings like people who have less problems to share and mostly in today's time want friends to have fun with and then post it on social media. It is truly hard to find a deep emotional connection. In no way am I trying to state that we should stop talking to people, I didn't do that. I simply give them the time that was equivalent to their worth in my life. 

Looking back and introspecting, I feel that this is now is one of my greatest strengths. I am not afraid of going alone for a coffee and I feel a sense of tranquility and freedom when I am by myself. It is all a matter of how you train your mind. Stop paying heed to your insecurities and be your own judge. The fact is that apart from you, no one can fathom the intensity of your emotions. Make a personal note of this and remember that the realities of your life are only known by you, so train your mind to study them objectively. Believe me that when you are able to deal with your emotional tussles successfully, it is the most empowering feeling in this world.

Anecdote #30

Change is a word that evokes an ocean of feelings in me. According to me it leads to a feeling of uncertainty, challenges your confidence and your resilience. The most exacting kind of change is when your emotions, feelings and perspectives suddenly begin to differ without your knowledge. This can happen due to unprecedented circumstances, stressful situations or traumatic events. The human body releases a set off intolerable responses which often leave you with questions and apprehensions. At such moments we are taken aback and not able to comprehend the cause of such changes. We often try to escape the problem by ignoring it and assuming that it was only a one time thing. Stress leads to these changes in our mind, body and health. It creeps in our system without us knowing of it! Taking it lightly and choosing to look away is not the answer. If we do not incorporate changes in our lifestyle stress can overtake our mind, body and being. Changes like moving from school to college can cause stress so can moving to a different city and if in the midst of all these changes we pressurise ourselves to be perfectionists, we'll end up losing the plot! Do things according to your pace, change your perspective of looking at events and situations on the basis of your convenience and ability to take on tasks. Your way of dealing with change cannot be synonymous with mine because our destinies cannot converge. Do not apply the same formula to everything. Give yourself the opportunity to change for the better and to grow and mature emotionally. Identify the circumstances that put you down and recognise the intensity of pressure you can handle. Be your own kind of change! In other words I mean to say carve your own path for evolution, for all you know it may be a success story that others begin to chase.